Love wins again

I felt the energy switch during the eclipse. As if Love overtook hate. As if the scales finally tipped back from bad to good. I know there is still much pain and hate in the world, but it feels like hope is returning. 

And then just after the eclipse, hurricane Harvey rages through Texas and we get to witness the outpouring of love and help to those in need. It's a beautiful thing. 

Now if only we could help people in other countries the way we help our own. If only we could understand that we can unite through our suffering, rather than avoid it. 

Suicide is not selfish

In the past week I have become close with two new friends and shared with them my mothers suicide. In both cases they responded with a comment about how suicide is "selfish". This infuriates me to the point that I get flustered and can't formulate the response I would like. So here is my delayed response: 

If you can say that suicide is selfish you've clearly never felt suicidal. One of the most prominent symptoms of severe depression is a feeling of deep worthlessness. It is this worthlessness that tells you that you are a burden, that the world would be better off without you. Depression is like living in a fog so thick you can't see the people around you or even your reflection in a mirror. People who are suicidal are often described by loved ones to have big, kind hearts, and their act of suicide is, in their minds, an act of relieving not only themselves of their pain, but also of their loved ones. These suicidal people are the ones that were usually completely unselfish for SO long that it wore them down and they caved. This final act of suicide is the last attempt in a long line of efforts at healing the pain that has eaten away at them for so long. This pain is heavier than their ability to cope with it, so it eventually wins. These people are not simply ignoring how their suicide will effect others or doing it deliberately to hurt others, they truly believe it is their only option left and they can't translate the love that is given to them by friends and family into a self-love. These are the people that give and give until they are empty, so let's please allow them this one act of "selfishness" without belittling the presumably hardest choice a person can make. Saying someone is selfish for committing suicide is an insult to their monumental suffering. It is assuming that they should have magically had more coping skills, or that they should have just tried harder or been stronger. So please, stop saying suicide is selfish, especially to those who've lost someone who spent their whole life trying to fight against its pull.